Day 2 of Not Initiating Contact

Well I have reached day 2 and i proud of my small victory.  i haven’t texted, called, messaged, or commented on any of my ex’s various social media and communication opportunities.  It is silly in a way that I have to make a conscience effort not to contact him after we have only been in regular contact for three weeks.  It is ridiculous that he can turn me into a complete mess in such a short time when I wasn’t even thinking about him before he texted me.  I’m trying really hard to get my life on track and I feel like he is trying to derail me.  I have no idea what his thoughts or motivations were behind initiating contact with me again.  Sometimes I feel like he’s playing games and other times I think he really cares.  I don’t know what to expect from him from day to day.  I know I love him and I would be lying if i tried to say I didn’t but at the same time I’m not sure how to feel about his actions in the last couple of weeks.

School has to be my main focus right now.  I have four and a half more weeks and then I will graduate with my master’s.  It seems like I just started this program yesterday but I know that’s not the case.  It has been a long almost two years of sacrifice and I can’t say that I will be sorry to see it end.  My children deserve my full attention and I know they are ready to have that back.

On another note I wrote an email to my first love last night because I realized that I had never shared the news with him that my dad passed away.  I was overcome with emotion because he responded very quickly and his words were so incredibly kind.  I forgot what a comfort he can be when I’m hurting or going through something.  It is funny how great it was to reconnect with him after so long.

Life is funny because people can be such a big part of your life at one point and then not even exist in another. I wish it didn’t always work out like that but I’m thankful for the many special relationships that I’ve had over the years.  I hope I’ve given back all that I’ve received from the many special people that have been a part of my life.

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