My weekend started out pretty good.  I spent Friday as a bus chaperon for my high school’s band to the football game.  The game was fun despite the fact that we lost again.  After the game I honestly wanted my ex to come home with me because I really didn’t want to be alone.  I was missing my father so much that I really didn’t want to be alone. Of course not surprisingly, he wouldn’t because it wasn’t convenient for him.  I understood but at the same time I didn’t.  Then yesterday, I completely fell apart because the loss of my dad came down on me like a ton of bricks.  I tried to reach out to him again because I knew he would understand what I was going through with my dad.  Of course he wasn’t there for me yet again.  Everyone also says that actions speak louder than words so I guess you could say that I understand loud and clear.  I am obviously not a priority in his life so I guess I’m done making him any type of priority in mine. Then last night I talked to my best friend and he was there for me.  We sat in my room watching animated movies and drinking beer until about 4 am.  I’m not in the habit of doing either of those things but it did offer a distraction from my feelings about my dad.  Today my mom came over and we went to lunch and then to the cemetery to see my dad.  This is only the second time I’ve been to the cemetery since my dad was buried there.   Needless to say it hasn’t been a great weekend but I am finally feeling a little better.