Today marks the one year anniversary of my ex’s grandmother’s passing. He didn’t text me or reach out to me today. Instead he reached out on Tuesday when he got upset at about work. I almost texted him to check on him but I decided that if he needed me he would let me know. Grief and loss are a strange thing because everyone handles them so differently. I can’t always be the one to reach out. I barely saw him today and the one time I did he didn’t even speak to me. If he wanted to talk then he would have talked then. I’m not upset about it or even that worried. i know he has a lot of people in his life that he can turn to if he wants their help or needs to talk. He tells me that our friendship really matters but he never really shows it.
I have dealt with a lot of my own grief and I am getting to a point where I realize that life can’t stop because someone dies. I am finally living my life for me for the first time in a very long time. After I got married the first time almost eighteen years ago, I started living for someone else. I never really stopped doing that since then. Now I have decided that it is time to live for me. I have to think about my kids and my responsibilities but ultimately my life will only be whatever I make it. My 2016 has been pretty good so far because I’m trying really hard to focus on the good in my life. I have a candy jar next to my bed and every night I write one good thing that happened that day on a small piece of paper and put it in my jar. I date every piece of paper and next year on December 31st I plan to read about all the good things that happened to me in 2016. This is going to be a much better year for me because i refuse to settle for anything less.