Well I guess my gut feeling was right because the paramedic told me earlier today that he didn’t think things were going to work out between us.  He didn’t offer an explanation despite the fact that I asked him for one. I wish he would tell me how Friday night he was so happy he met me and now on Monday he won’t even answer my texts.  It is funny though because I think deep down I knew that as long as my ex was in my heart it would be difficult to be with anyone else.

I haven’t spoken to my ex in almost two weeks and I don’t necessarily plan to change that even though I’m no longer seeing anyone.  I will just continue on with my plans to worry about the state of my mental and physical health and let him do what he needs to do.  I will continue to pray for him but I won’t chase him.  I refuse to keep putting myself in that situation with him. He knows where I am and I think he knows that I will always be there for him.  I wish that I could count on him to be my friend like he was for awhile but I just don’t think it’s very healthy.  The unfortunate truth is that when he is around I always want more than friendship.

The future for me and relationships is pretty bleak at the moment.  I’m already tired of online dating because that has obviously been a bust. I think for now I will just rely on me for awhile.  I have been pretty good on my own the last few months and I can continue to be good on my own.  I have a lot to look forward too anyway because I leave for Spain on March the 12th. I think for now I will concentrate on my trip and worry about love and relationships later.

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