It always astounds me that people are so quick to lie over just telling the truth.  I know that sometimes you can spare someone’s feelings by lying but you also hurt them more in the long run.  On a whim I asked my ex out a while back.  Our date was supposed to be this Saturday but we haven’t even been talking lately. I seriously contemplated sending him a message earlier asking him if we still have plans or not but now I’m thinking I would be better off to just to let it go.  He and I want different things and it is foolish to believe or even hope that we will ever be on the same page again. We have been broken up for almost two years and I can honestly say he is not the man I thought he was.  When the two of us broke up I had such a complex about sex because he made me feel so guilty about us having sex.  He always blamed me for the sex even though he was the one who initiated it.  In the last few months he has initiated sex everytime we’ve had it. There were several times that I told him that I wasn’t even interested in sex but he still managed to find a way to have sex anyway. I always thought he was such a good man but I am starting to realize that he is just a selfish horny jerk like almost every other guy out there.  He knows how I feel about him but he has managed to use it against me for months.  I refuse to be his option anymore.  I am not option material.  I have a good job, a good education and I’m reasonably attractive.  Parents usually love me and one day I will make someone a good wife again, I hope.  My truth is that I fell in love with the wrong guy twice.  Once when I was going through my divorce from my second husband and once when I was trying to get over my ex. I leave for Spain in less than a month so right now I need to focus on that and nothing else!!!

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