Why does this three letter word cause so much stress and confusion in our daily lives? I am a Christian and I know that God really doesn’t want us having sex outside the bonds of marriage.  I will admit that this is a weakness for me. When I was younger I didn’t really get what made sex so special. I had boyfriends and I had sex but I never really thought it was that great. I even dated women for about three years thinking that sex would be better with them. I enjoyed sex with women but I didn’t like the drama and emotional baggage that came with it. I met my first husband when I was 22. The first time we had sex was also the first time I had been with a man in over two years. I thought I wanted to get married and have a family so that’s what I did. I loved him but I’m honestly not sure I was ever in love with him. We were married for ten years and it wasn’t until I turned thirty that I truly discovered the joys of sex. After our divorce I went a little crazy because I was really interested in sex. I met my second husband and then I finally calmed down.  We got married and constantly experimented when it came to sex. We had sex in a porn shop and we even went to a topless bar together one night.  We always enjoyed each other and we had complete trust with in our relationship. I honestly knew that I could do anything to him. After our divorce I completely changed. I started dating the ex and he went to church and he was really religious. I became a lot more submissive when it came to sex and I never really showed him my true sexual nature. I was always worried about what he would think about me. I always thought he was going to judge me for my actions. I was afraid that he wouldn’t like me the way I really was. When we broke up I changed again. I quit worrying about what people would think of me and I started expressing myself however I wanted to when it came to sex. I definitely have my limits but I have sex on my terms. My ex and I started having sex again last fall and although we don’t have sex all the time we have had sex over several months. I have really shown him a different side of me in the last few months. I have realized that we have similar tastes and I would never have believed that before. I hope I get the opportunity to try out some of my fantasies on him. Life is short and although I know it’s wrong I still want to be with him. I don’t think I have ever wanted anyone as badly as I want him.

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