Looking Back

Two years ago today my mom had a quadruple bypass.  I don’t remember ever being scared as I was that day. I remember watching my dad and thinking that he looked like he wanted to crawl out of his own skin. He didn’t sleep at all the night before and he was exhausted the day of the surgery. I never even considered then that in less than a year my dad would have two major hospital stays and then pass away.  I remember being so worried that I would lose my mom. Now I only have one parent but most days I wonder about that. My mom has gotten completely wrapped up in another man and now I feel like she doesn’t have any time for me. I want my mom to be happy and I can’t be there all the time but it feels like she has just forgotten about the kids and I. I never realized that I would lose my mom and my dad at the same. I feel completely alone right now. It is so hard to feel like I can’t just pick up the phone and call her. Every time I talk to her I feel like she’s in a hurry to get off the phone. I’m sure I’m being entirely too sensitive but my mom and I have always been so close. I feel so incredibly distant from her. I never thought we would be in this situation two years ago. Life is so strange!

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