At 43 you don’t expect to be so sick that you can barely get out of bed for days. I have been sick now for almost two weeks and it wasn’t until yesterday afternoon that I knew what was wrong with me. As it turns out I have a bacterial infection in my colon that is most likely caused from my time in the ER about a month ago. I have literally felt like death and according to the nurse at my doctor’s office it might be a week before I feel much better. I am finally on the right course of treatment which will hopefully help but it is amazing how miserable you can become in such a short time.
As I have struggled just to perform the minimal tasks my children have needed, I have realized that I can only really depend on myself in life. I have worried a lot about relationships and the need for companionship over the last few years but I am just fine by myself. I spent an entire weekend not talking to anyone other than my mother and my kids. I didn’t even miss the men in my life. I have come to realize that my ex is nice to spend time with but he isn’t a candidate for a long term relationship. I’m okay by myself and for now I am just going to focus on my kids and school. My mom and I are taking an amazing trip in a little over a month and I just need to be thankful for my many blessings. My kids will be gone in a few years and if I am alone after they are gone it will be okay. I have come to appreciate not having to worry about anyone else when it comes to making decisions regarding my future.