When you’re young it sometimes feels like every choice is an adventure because you haven’t come to that part of life where you discover the true consequences to your actions. At 43 I know that I have to fully consider every choice I make. I have two children counting on me and I can’t just do whatever I want too. Last night is a perfect example, my ex or whatever I should call him at the moment, wanted me to come to his house to see him because it was too late for him to come to me. Last week I did go and see him on Thursday night and I literally paid for it all day Friday because I was so tired. I couldn’t do it again last night so I told him no. It was so hard to do that because I knew that was my only opportunity to see him all weekend. Our schedules are both so crazy that we don’t get to spend a lot of time together so saying no really bummed me out.
In yet another avenue of my life I really want to find another job because I drive so far every day but as of now I haven’t even had a bite of interest. I should really be putting in more effort but to be honest I absolutely hate changing jobs and interviewing. I have been so focused on grad school lately that I haven’t even had time to focus on applying for jobs. It is actually one of the most intimidating things for me which is crazy because I usually make a good impression. I think I just like the security of staying where I am and not changing jobs again. I have only been at my current school for two years.
I have made so many choices over the years and I often wonder if they were all really the best for me. I know that I have done my best to be a good mom and take care of my kids. I guess all you can do at the end of the day is think about things before you make a decision and pray that it will be a good one!!