29 Years

Twenty-nine years ago today I received a phone call from a teenage boy that would forever change my life. That boy was my first love and he is still a part of my life today.  We aren’t married and we don’t have any children together but we have an unbreakable bond. We have definitely had our ups and downs but through it all we have remained a part of each other’s life. We are in totally different situations in our lives but we still find common ground. He probably knows me better than anyone else. I was talking to him tonight about the situation with my ex. He remembers when it first started ten months ago and he was honestly surprised to hear that he was still in my life. I explained to him our dynamic and the situation and he told me that he thought it was a good situation for me. He said that it is unconventional and it wouldn’t work for everyone but that if it works for us than that’s what matters. I love that when I talk to him that things that didn’t make sense all of a sudden make sense. I love that he helps me see things that I didn’t see before, despite the fact that they were right in front of my face. I am lucky to have such a good friend in my life. I love him with my whole heart and I know he loves me too. We have been a part of each other’s life for 29 years and I hope we will have 29 more.

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I realized that the current situation with my ex has just become part of our dynamic. I get frustrated with him and then I decide to go out with someone else. He feels like we’re getting too close so he puts distance between us. In the end we find our way back to each other. I haven’t always been sure that he would come back to me but I can see what my friend sees now that he explained it to me. My best friend has been telling me for months that we are in an unconventional relationship but I was never comfortable putting any type of label on things. Even my friend tonight said that I was my ex’s girlfriend. I know he doesn’t consider me his girlfriend and I don’t consider him my boyfriend but he is the man in my life. I am never quite sure whether or not I am the woman in his life because I don’t ask but I know that he keeps coming back to me. We are still in a disagreement and I haven’t spoken to him today but I know that whatever happens it will all turn out the way it is supposed too. He fills a place in my life and I fill a place in his. We may not do things the way other people do but for the most part he makes me happy. I am not sure that I am cut out for a typical relationship.


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