Feeling Unimportant

It never fails that when the man I love and want pulls away there is always someone else that shows back up in my life. We hadn’t seen each other in two weeks before Monday and it was great to see him Monday after work but every since then he has been distant. I should expect this behavior from him because this is definitely not the first time it has happened but it always makes me feel so unimportant in his life. So true to fashion, two men I don’t really care about texted me this week out of the blue. I responded and I talked to them but I can’t pretend that either of them are the person I want to be with. I decided awhile back that I was done with random and it was either him or no one. I can honestly say in the last couple of months that’s the way it has been. I don’t regret it and I have no plans on changing that but it still makes the times he’s distant that much harder. I have a full life with all sorts of stuff going on but I miss him. Tomorrow night I will have around twenty teenagers in my house and I really wish he was going to be here too. I know I don’t need him in my life but I do want him. I think wanting someone is a whole lot more meaningful than feeling like you need someone. I will get dressed tomorrow night and I will be the amazing host I know how to be regardless of how I really feel inside. My kids are obviously more important than he is to me but I just wish I could share somethings with both.

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