My Birthday

Today hasn’t exactly been the best of birthdays. I have only heard from three people. My mom, my best friend and my first love are the only ones that have even bothered to wish me a happy birthday. I haven’t heard from the man I love since Friday and he is honestly the only person I wanted to see or talk to today. I keep hoping I will hear from him but I have yet to hear anything. I am not sure why he is shutting me out again and on my birthday no less. My kids didn’t even remember my birthday until after they went to their room and saw my birthday present. They came down and brought me my present but it isn’t the same as them actually remembering my birthday. Out of no where I heard from this other guy that I have had an on again off again situation with for about a year now.  We are mostly just friends but things have also been sexual between us in the past. I told him that I was good with being friends but no sex. I could really use a friend right now. I keep hoping that things will get better and I will get what I want from the man I love but I think I need to admit that it’s not going to happen. I hate being in love with someone that doesn’t want the same things from me that I want from them. I need to move on but it is so hard to walk away from someone I love no matter how much I tell myself that I need too. Life is so strange sometimes. I know that I have been isolating myself lately but I think I have come to realize that it is not healthy to do that. I need people in my life and if I don’t do something about it now than my kids are going to go away to college and I will be left all alone with no life whatsoever. I need to take a page from my mom’s book. I need to get out there and live my life to the fullest.

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