Closure

So my ex contacted me last Friday after three weeks. I responded to him on Saturday and told him that our arrangement wasn’t going to work for me anymore. I finally heard back from him again today. At first he responded as if I was accusing him of lying or leading me on which I never said. I told him that and then he told me I deserved to be happy. I proceeded to tell him that the sad thing is that I was happy with him just not our situation. He told me he wished it could have been different. I told him it could have which made him admit that he was the reason it wasn’t. I didn’t respond again after that and I have no idea whether or not I will ever hear from him again. I had a strange feeling of clarity after our exchange. I am sad probably for the first time since my birthday because I know things are really over but I also feel like at least I have some element of closure. I do miss him because he wasn’t just my lover but one of my best friends. I know that I need to look toward the future but just for the day I am reminiscing about the past. I will probably always love him but he isn’t capable of returning that love. I refuse to settle for less than what I deserve anymore. I am a great person and I deserve to be with someone that appreciates that about me. I will miss him though. I doubt I will ever meet anyone else that makes me feel the way he did.

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