Looking Back

I was reading some of my older posts the other day and it made me realize how miserable I was with my ex. I loved him so I invariably put up with a lot of stuff that was really ridiculous. I put up with him not ever showing up when it really mattered like my high school reunion, our Halloween Party, my kids theater events and most importantly my birthday. I know we weren’t in an actual relationship but I always believed him when he would tell me he was going to try and come and then not show up. I spent so much time being disappointed. I would tell myself that the time we had together made up for all the disappointments but I was completely in denial. I was in denial about the kind of relationship that I wanted. I was in denial about the amount of time and effort that would make me happy. It is really sad that it took being by myself on my birthday for me to realize how unimportant I really was to him.

Now I have a man in my life that wants to spend time with me. He welcomes my crazy life with my kids. He shows up for them and for me. He listens when I want his opinion on something I have written. He never gets frustrated with me if I am really too tired for sex. He appreciates me and plans surprises for me. The little things I do for him really matter. He is the type of man that can joke around with my kids one minute and then be all about me the next. He helps me cook and clean. He truly feels like my partner in so many things. He wants to spend the weekend with me. He wants to be here even when my kids are home. He never makes me choose between him and my kids. I never realized that I could actually be with someone that would be this way. I’m not sure what the future holds for us but I know that right now I am exactly where I want to be. I’m glad I looked back at my old posts because it makes me appreciate what I have now even more.

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