My Dates

So I have officially been on two dates with the service.

First Date:

So the first date was lunch on Christmas Eve. We went to this hip like place in downtown Fort Worth. Lunch was pretty cool. We talked and laughed the whole time. After lunch we took a walk through downtown. He’s an English teacher so we had a lot in common.  Of course he didn’t touch me once the whole time we were together. I don’t think I have ever been on a date where someone didn’t touch me at all. I would probably have thought he wasn’t interested in me but he said he wanted to see me again. When we talked earlier we made plans to go on a second date tomorrow night.

Second Date:

So this date occurred yesterday. We met at the movies and then went to dinner afterwards. He works in the pharmaceutical industry and he must make really good money. He is a whole lot older than me which made me apprehensive at first but I laughed the whole time we were together. He compliments me constantly and he makes me feel really special. After the movie he took me to this really upscale restaurant in downtown Fort Worth. He paid $175 for our dinner. I am not sure that I have ever been on a dinner date like that before. It’s really strange because he acts like it’s no big deal to spend that kind of money. Tonight we are going on our second date. He’s taking me to Enchant Christmas at the ballpark. I have wanted to go for over a year and I’m really excited.

I plan to continue dating multiple people until I figure out what I really want. On another note, my ex texted me again today. He won’t let me go. He is being a friend which is great but I am just not sure why he continues to have such a presence in my life. I have been really honest with him though and he knows that I am going out with multiple people. I told him I was putting myself out there and taking chances. He actually asked me today if I had plans for the weekend. I really don’t understand what he thinks is going to happen between us.

Dating Service

So I would have to say that going into this dating service has definitely taken me outside my comfort zone. I haven’t really figured out how all this is supposed to work yet. I signed up and then went in for my photos and then it seemed like things just stalled. I finally got my login for the online part of the service on Thursday.  It’s weird though because once you select someone than they send them an email and if both parties agree they share contact information. I had two guys agree they wanted to meet me the first night but neither of them contacted me. The service wants the men to contact the women first so I have literally just been wondering for days if either of them were going to contact me. So yesterday afternoon in the midst of my ex texting me for the second day in a row, I received an unexpected phone call from one of the guys. He was actually really nice and we have a lot in common.  He is also a high school English  teacher so we talked about students and teaching a lot.  We also talked about other things too. We ended up spending three and a half hours on the phone. I don’t remember the last time that I’ve spent that long on the phone with anyone. I actually kind of like the fact that he is old school and he actually called me. I don’t think either of us expected to stay on the phone for so long. We have a date planned for tomorrow which is kind of weird with it being Christmas Eve but you know whatever works. We are having lunch. We might meet and have no chemistry at all but I am guessing that we could be great friends if the romantic part doesn’t pan out.  I still find this service weird but here goes nothing.

Closure

So my ex contacted me last Friday after three weeks. I responded to him on Saturday and told him that our arrangement wasn’t going to work for me anymore. I finally heard back from him again today. At first he responded as if I was accusing him of lying or leading me on which I never said. I told him that and then he told me I deserved to be happy. I proceeded to tell him that the sad thing is that I was happy with him just not our situation. He told me he wished it could have been different. I told him it could have which made him admit that he was the reason it wasn’t. I didn’t respond again after that and I have no idea whether or not I will ever hear from him again. I had a strange feeling of clarity after our exchange. I am sad probably for the first time since my birthday because I know things are really over but I also feel like at least I have some element of closure. I do miss him because he wasn’t just my lover but one of my best friends. I know that I need to look toward the future but just for the day I am reminiscing about the past. I will probably always love him but he isn’t capable of returning that love. I refuse to settle for less than what I deserve anymore. I am a great person and I deserve to be with someone that appreciates that about me. I will miss him though. I doubt I will ever meet anyone else that makes me feel the way he did.

Photo Shoot

So today as part of the new dating service I signed up with, I had a photo shoot with a photographer employed by the dating service. I was really nervous about the photo shoot because I wasn’t sure about my outfits or even the experience as a whole.  The pictures were actually kind of fun. Of course the photographer completely stroked my ego by flirting with me the whole time.  He was only 26 and I am totally not interested but it was definitely flattering. I ended up buying the rights to my digital pictures which I’m planning to share here.

I am actually pretty impressed with the pictures and I am really curious how it will go with my profile.  I am not sure when I will actually start being setup on dates but I am definitely ready.  After Friday I will have two weeks off of work which should give me plenty of time to start meeting new people. The guy from high school is so unpredictable and I am not even sure that he still wants to go out. We have been talking but not with any real consistency. I know that I plan to focus on the future when it comes to dating and not get myself marred in the past. My ex contacted me on Friday after three weeks of radio silence. I waited awhile to respond but when I did I told him that what we had wasn’t enough for me anymore. I told him that I would always love him but that I deserved to be with someone that will fight for me. I am not sure if this new venture will help me find true love but I am going to give it my all.

Insanity

So I have always heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Well I have finally decided that I am done with all that. I took the plunge and officially signed up for the dating company. It is so weird to think about dating with a matchmaker helping you out but I am going to try it. I think the weirdest part is that she said I would be going out with multiple people until I met someone that I wanted to date exclusively. I have never been much of a fan of dating multiple people at one time but knowing that the service is setting both of us up with various people will hopefully make it easier to do. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone and honestly I am not getting any younger. I want to share my life with someone special. I am tired of spending my holidays alone and being depressed on my birthday because I don’t have anyone to share it with. I am ready to really enjoy my life. I don’t need a man to be complete but I want to have someone that will be my best friend, my companion and my lover. I want to have another person to make plans for the future with. I want to have someone to travel with. I want to meet someone that I can share all my passions with. I really want to be able to share everything with someone special. I guess we will see if my new path breaks me out of the insane cycle that has been my life the last few years!!

New Chances

I have been so wrapped up in my ex that I wasn’t really paying attention to the attention of a man that I connected with during my reunion in July. We have talked off and on since then but we have yet to go out or spend any real time together other than at our high school reunion in October. That night we hung out at the reunion and then for several hours after it.

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This is a picture of the two of us and another friend from the reunion. It’s interesting because he’s not really a person that I would have ever considered dating in high school but I find myself strongly considering it now. I am finding that he is really a nice guy which I never realized in high school. I am nervous though because the idea of bringing another man into my life after everything I have been through in the past is really scary. I keep finding reasons to doubt his interest despite the fact that we have been talking off and on since July. We don’t talk every day but we have been talking more lately. I think the only way I will truly know what to think about him or heaven forbid an us is if we spend some time together. I know at one point he wanted to take me on a date but I’m not sure he still does. I want to believe that maybe he could be my chance for a new future but I am still not sure. I am trying to just take things slow and not put too much pressure on him or myself. I do know that if he asks me out again I’m going to take the chance and say yes!! Until I have that chance I am going to bid my time and continue to get to know him.